3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
