so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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