i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
