I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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