I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize