And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
