Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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