so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We had to coat check the pizza.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
