Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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