How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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