Having a random hookup so left but love u
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
