I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
