I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
