Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
