I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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