Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
