based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
