I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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