I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize