Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
