i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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