that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
