I hate your face
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize