Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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