just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
