I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
