i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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