all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
