And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
