Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
