hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
