dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
