she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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