i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
