Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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