her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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