Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
