next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
