she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
