Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
