My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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