there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
