I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
