wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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