I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
