Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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