I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There r osticjed everywhere
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
