Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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