the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
