i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
