Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
