just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
