He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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