I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
