I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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