apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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