I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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