Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
