I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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