he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
