I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
