fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
