i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
