before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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