it hurts more in the daytime
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
