His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
