Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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