True but thats because hes a fetus.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
