It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
