Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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