i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
