sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
