On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
