I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
