All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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