My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
