Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
