i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
