I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
from now on my penis is your penis
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
