I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize