Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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