dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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