My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
