I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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