I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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