Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
