He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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