I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
