I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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