Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
