i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
