he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
