I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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