he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
