Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
