Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize