we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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