So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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