im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
