im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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